Today would have been your 6th birthday.
Wish you were here to celebrate with us.
The girls *helped* me make chocolate cupcakes. Twice. The first homemade batch just didn't work out. So we then had to make a quick run to the store for a trusty boxed mix. While out we stopped and picked out 6 balloons for you. Christian was fascinated by them. The girls fought over them.
The day was not as sweet has I had hoped for. And not because of you, because I've since decided to make this a happy day for us. But no, it was just frustrating. The girls kept fighting and just would not listen. I later found out that they both got up at 6:30 this morning. Not a good day to miss Reganne's nap. I just wanted this perfect day, where the house is clean and picked up, the kids are good. We have a fun time making cupcakes and decorating them in fun ways. Later after dinner we sing Happy Birthday and blow out candles (which we still did). Everyone gets a little present (which we didn't do) and we just enjoy this day to the fullest.
But then, after Christian's bath, he was covered in chocolate by his first ever cupcake, I sat him on my lap and read him a story. Something I haven't done much. And then it came to me. This is how I need to celebrate you. This is what I need to do. Not just on your birthday, but everyday. I am blessed to be your mom. But you are where you need to be at this time. I am where I need to be at this time. And I have been given these three other precious children of God that I am responsible for. That I need to care for and love with all my heart. And I do.
So instead of letting the girls just fall asleep while *reading* their own stories. I read them stories. I let them pick out any story they wanted, which of course Marryn picked out the biggest and longest one, and I read them stories. And I enjoyed it. Oh, how I wish things could have been different. I wish that you could have stayed here with us, but I know this is how it needs to be. That there is a greater purpose and plan for us both. I may not always understand it fully, but I have faith.
And one day, one day hopefully not too soon, we will be together again.
But until then, I need to remember, remember my role here and now.
I love you and miss you as always.