today

today is his last day being 2.

although he thinks he's been three for awhile now.

i'm going to miss this two year old.

he was so much fun.

i hope his threes prove to be just as much fun.

history tells me it will be a challenge.

{photo by marryn}

at my feet

he makes it very hard to get much done.
but i know one day i'll miss it like crazy.

so.  just got back from my much anticipated hair appointment.
i usually head into the aveda salon about 2 times a year.
yes.  i make my haircuts last.
but this time i was literally fighting back tears as i drove home.
i walk in and marryn, first thing, says, "i don't like it.  why didn't they just trim it?"
and she's the one who told me earlier she likes my hair shorter.
but then all the commotion of me being gone for an hour took over...you know, anxious poopy baby, kid covered in hives...
later, reganne comes up and asks if i like my hair.
i say, "not really."
she says, "i don't really either, but i still love you though" and gives me a hug.

thanks sweetheart.
i needed that.

my fours

My friend Danelle over at OUTNUMBERED challenged me to this.  I thought it was very creative.  So here you have it, my fours.


FOUR PLACES I GO 
1) School - Everyday.  Except Saturday and Sunday.  I pick up Marryn every afternoon (I'm so lucky as Joe takes her...while I'm still in bed, sleeping;) and twice a week I take Reganne to and from her little preschool.   
2) Sonic - I hate to admit it, but I usually head there about 2-3 times a week.  During Happy Hour.  I get a Route 44 Diet Dr Pepper with lime.  The kids, if they're lucky;), get a small slush.  But I'm trying ease up though, especially after Reganne drew me a Happy Mother's Day picture at church, of me and her driving to Sonic.
3) Church - And speaking of Church, I am usually there twice a week.  On Sundays (obviously) and Wednesday nights for our Youth's Mutual.  
4) Super Target/Costco - I had to put both of these in here.  I visit both stores once a week.  It helps that they are just minutes from our house (well, actually, so are all my places). 

FOUR SMELLS I LOVE 
1) A baby - Nothing, NOTHING beats the smell of a baby.  Nothing.
2) Old Spice deodorant - Yes, this is Joe's deodorant.  I love it.  More than him I think.
3) Rain - Ah, rain...
4) Evergreen - As in pine trees, mistletoe, etc.  The smell of Christmas. 

FOUR FAVORITE TV SHOWS
These aren't really in any order.  It just depends on my mood and what I feel like watching.
1) Friends - Yep, still going strong on that one.
2) HGTV shows - Especially Sarah Richardson's ones.
3) White Collar - It's a good mystery/solve it show, without all the gross stuff.
4) Community, The Office and Parks and Recreation - I know, that's technically three shows, but they're all on together, so I'm bundling those ones;).

FOUR FAVORITE MOVIES 
I have lots of favorites, these are just what comes to mind right now.
1) Knotting Hill - A long time favorite...ah, the memories...
2) The Holiday - Maybe I just have a thing for *English* movies;).
3) The Incredibles - Probably my favorite Disney/Pixar movie still.
4) Despicable Me - One of the funniest and most random movies ever.  At least I think so.

FOUR RECOMMENDATIONS 
1) Pray more.
2) Play more.
3) Worry less.
4) Eat more fruits and vegetables.

how I shower

a movie.

a pack'n play.

and a 4 year old waiting to shower and get dressed herself.

and thank you for all the comments (both here and on facebook) from my last post.

kellen is doing great.

and we are doing better.

a febrile seizure

My kids have been sick.

Nothing too bad, but it's just been a constant round of snot and coughing and even a complete strip down of Reganne's bed when she threw up.

But like I said, nothing too bad.  Or too serious.

Until the other night.

Kellen was running a slight fever Sunday night.  We gave him some Tylenol and put him to bed.  Didn't think much of it, other than Marryn had a fever the night before.  The next day he woke up fine.  Wasn't warm, but we could tell he wasn't feeling his best.  Nothing too bad though.  I even set him up in the cart when I went grocery shopping.  He was good.  Enjoyed it.  Then later that afternoon he started to warm up again.  I gave him some Tylenol.  Joe came home awhile later and he was still pretty hot, about 102 degrees.  So he stripped him down.  I had him later and he was still roasting, so we put a cool rag on his head.  And then as I was holding him, his plug suddenly fell out of his mouth.  Then his eyes glazed over.

"Kellen?  Kellen!"  I jumped up.  "Joey, something's wrong with Kellen!  Something's wrong with Kellen!!"

He took him as he yelled, "Call 911."  Of course I grabbed his iPhone, which would have taken me 5 minutes to get through passwords and apps and whatnot to even figure out how to even make a call, but then I noticed my phone sitting on the counter.  I grabbed it and started to dial.  I looked over at Joey, who was holding Kellen on his shoulder, as if he was burping him.  He was very still.

"Is he breathing?"  He put his hand on back to check.

He wasn't.  He handed him back to me and we could see that he was completely, head to toe, purple.

It was an all too familiar sight.

I took him and rushed into the living room where I layed him on the ground and just kept thinking "I'm going to bury another baby.  I'm going to bury another baby."   Joe's on the phone now, telling the dispatcher what's going on and I'm trying to do mouth to mouth.  But I can't get his chin to lift up.  I can't get his head to move back.  I'm giving him breaths (all the while I'm completely freaking out) but can't tell if they're going in or not.  I just can't get his head to move.  I look back over him and his purple little legs are drawn into his chest and won't go down.  And his stomach is complete sucked in.  But I keep with it, doing the best I could.  Then slowly his little body relaxes.  His color starts to come back.

And he starts to breathe again.

Soon his eyes open back up and he starts to cry a little.  I pick him up, but the dispatcher says to keep him laying down with his chin up.  So I do.  And he just looks at us, slightly out of it, as his cries get more and more consistent and stronger.  I just want to hold him, but I don't know what just happened and I don't want to hurt him, so I leave him there and talk to him.  I try to comfort us both.

Soon the firemen arrive.  They do some quick checks, but seeing that he's breathing fine on his own, they tell me I can hold him.  They ask tons of questions and shaking, I do my best to answer.  The ambulance arrives and offers to take him to the hospital.  They load his car seat in the ambulance and I go with him.  Joe follows later.  (Sometime after he started breathing again, I managed to get through Joey's phone and call Jean, his mom, to come over.  In addition we had a great neighbor who came over to offer help with the other kids and other neighbors who called as well.) 
  
In the ambulance, they don't find anything wrong other than a high temperature.  I relay the story again and the parametric thinks it was a seizure.  Again at the hospital I relay the story.

A Febrile Seizure.

Although extremely scary, they are completely benign.  The worry is not so much the seizure, but why do they have a temperature.

So at the hospital, they check him out.  His oxygen levels are excellent (98-99).  His heart rate is a little high, but nothing too worry about about (and it went down as the night went on).  His lungs are clear.  They did a quick test for the flu-negative.  Stiffness in the neck?  None.  (To rule out meningitis.)  Other than his high temp and a slightly stuffy nose, he was fine.  He mostly just wanted to snuggle with us, but occasionally would sit up and coo and play with his plug.  They gave him ibuprofen soon after we got there (around 8pm) and just kept monitoring his temp.  By 11 pm he was still running a temp around 102-103.  They gave him Tylenol and finally it started to go down a little.  We were on our way home now with instructions to keep him cool.  No clothes, no blankets, cool baths, cool room (open windows, turn on fans).  Just keep him cool.

Now, during all the commotion, Marryn was right there.  She was sitting on the couch when he seized up.  And although Joey sent her and the other kids upstairs, she knew something terrible was going on.  My freaking out didn't help either.  She was screaming, so much that the 911 dispatcher could hear her and Joey had to tell him that was another child crying.  She was complaining of an earache earlier, and while we were gone, kept complaining about it (despite having had medicine) and couldn't sleep.  I may not always know what's going on with my kids, but I knew that it wasn't as much her ear as it was Kellen that was keeping her up.  So when we got home, around 1 am, she was still awake, so I took Kellen into her room so she could see him.  That he was fine and home.  She went right to sleep after that.  And even the next day, she didn't have a trace of an earache and just wanted to be near Kellen and hold him.  It was really sweet.

So anyhow, we put Christian in our bed while I slept in his bed next to Kellen.  We closed off the vent to keep the room cool.  I froze.  He woke up twice.  The first I laid him down with me to nurse, and he was noticeably cooler.  He slept with me for awhile before waking up again, which we gave him more ibuprofen.  He then slept the rest the night.  Woke up happy and much cooler.  The day went on and as the afternoon hit, so did his fever.  We kept with the *treatments* of keeping him cool and didn't have anymore problems.   Woke up again without a fever, but was noticeably irritable.  And I myself wasn't feeling so great either.  I wasn't running a fever, but was constantly going from freezing to sweating, and my whole body just ached.  Even at night I couldn't sleep well.  But today I'm feeling a bit better.  And Kellen seems to be happier as well.   He even got into his favorite plant this morning.  Nothing like a little dirt to say I'm feeling better;).

Now back to his seizure.  

Is a Febrile Seizure dangerous?  No.  It is completely benign.  Yes, he stopped breathing, but only for about a minute or so.  There is no damage to him from this.  What caused this seizure?  An *overreaction* of his brain to his temperature rising too quickly.  Could he have one again?  Yes.  Now that he's had one, there is about a 30% chance he could have another, but only up until the age of 5 or so.  But he's not prone to seizures in general because of this.  Can we prevent them?  Possibly, by being proactive when he does start to warm up, but many times it may happen before we even realize he has started to develop a fever.  What should we do if it does happen?  Lay him down and wait for it to be over.  Am I comfortable with watching this happen again?  No.  Not at all.

This was a terrible experience.  But I am so very grateful that it was not something worse.  I have heard of these seizures before, but honestly knew very little about them.  Never thought it'd be something that I'd have to deal with.  So I hope our little story might help educate other parents.  But honestly when your child, for no apparent reason, stops breathing and turns purple, it's hard to stop and think, "Hmmm, maybe it's just a benign febrile seizure..."
 

enjoy

Good bye 2010.
And good riddance.

2010 was not a good year for me.

So here's to 2011.
A new year.
A new start.

And my word for 2011: enjoy.

When I look back over this past year not alot of joy comes to mind.  Yes, good things did happen, like our sweet little Kellen joining our family, but overall the year was well, not great.

My word for 2010 seems to have been survive.

And I'm not just talking about the toys that  litter our home.  Or the 2 year old who constantly gets yogurt and cottage cheese and sour cream and cookies and cereal all over.  Or the 1st grader who now throws jumping up and down tantrums.  Or the preschooler who flips out over anything.  Or even that sweet little baby who still wakes up every night between 4 and 6 am.  Or the running kids to and from school and the weekly YW activities and the never-ending piles of laundry and dirty dishes and the endless unfinished projects I've started.  Or the look of disappointment on the hubs face when yet again, there is no dinner or even an idea of what to even have for dinner.  Yes, these contribute to my survival mode, but they are not the cause.  I am the cause.  As I thought what my *theme* for this new year should be, the word simplify came to mind.  It's a great word.  And definitely something I need to work on.  But I realized that despite all my efforts, I have a lot going on.  And not much I can really cut out.  So last night, as I layed awake in bed thinking through this past year, it came to me.  My life is busy, it's hard, and not always what I want it to be.  And I can't change that.  What can I change?  I can change me.  I can change my state of mind.

So here's to 2011 and here's to enjoying it.  

Here's to enjoying my callings as a Young Women leader and a Visiting Teacher.  Or whatever they may be.
Here's to enjoying my hobbies in whatever little time I have to spare.
Here's to enjoying my what my home as to offer.
Here's to enjoying my kids.  In all aspects.
Here's to enjoying my time with my husband.
Here's to enjoying my life as it is.

I know it's not going to be easy.  But I have to try.

happy birthday to me

Is there any better gift than the love of your kids?

Well, maybe the love of your husband who takes the afternoon off so you can go shopping without any kids.

And speaking of kids, this little 3 month old...he gets around...

Coming up soon. Hopefully. 

A certain little guy turned two.

ready or not

here he comes.

currently 26 weeks

due 4.9.10

28 at 28

So another birthday.

Instead of boring you all with how 28 doesn't seem old and how I don't really feel old, but the idea of being 28 is just so, well, old, I've decided to do a list. A list of 28 things. 28 random things I've learned, I love, I hate, I want, I wish, I know, whatever. Just a list of 28 things.

1. I hate mushrooms. As much as I wish I liked them and as much as I've tried to like them, I just don't.
2. I love cheese.
3. I'm a perfectionist.
4. I'm a procrastinator.
5. I'm indecisive. All 3 make for a very bad combo...
6. I daydream about how to make my house perfect, complete with pushing out walls, replacing baseboards and new furniture.
7. I also daydream about designing and building the perfect home.
8. I love to shop for my kiddos clothes. And as I've gotten smaller, I enjoy my own clothes shopping a little bit more.
9. I know that Heavenly Father loves me. And knows me, better than I know myself.
10. I know that life doesn't always go the way we want it to. Or think it should. Sometimes it's better.
11. I love babies.
12. I really love my own babies.
13. I've come to appreciate my curly hair.
14. I want to become a great sewer.
15. I will finish my nutrition degree. Someday.
16. I want to run again. And do yoga. And pilates.
17. I see alot of my mother in myself. And my dad.
18. I know that times gets faster with each passing year.
19. I am a night owl. Mornings are rough.
20. I am a homebody.
21. I wish I wasn't so shy and timid. Although I'm getting better.
22. I struggle with the idea of makeup. And I struggle with the idea that I really need it now.
23. I still love to watch Friends re-runs. And watch them often.
24. I know that my Savior lives.
25. I know that I am blessed. Blessed beyond reason.
26. I pray daily for happy thoughts. Verses fearful ones.
27. I love to swim.
28. I love my husband more, and differently, than I ever thought I would.

sweet birthday boy

One year old.

I can't believe how fast July 12th came along.

We had a little family party for him complete with a good ol' chocolate cake. That was a mess. He then opened a few presents. His favorite, probably his new basketball. Although the baseball came in a close second. Tied with the balloons;)

This little boy just lights up my world. He's a pro at crawling. Figured out the stairs the other night, just happened to be walking by and found him 4 stairs up, and LOVES to get into the plants. He's finally drinking somewhat from a sippy cup. His sisters still adore him as he does them. And his favorite toy? Balls! He's starting to cruise along the furniture, so it won't be long before he's really wrecking havoc on us all. I'm learning quite quickly that our home is not childproof. He has a few signs; more, eat, milk, ball and night-night. And he's got those most important sounds down too, ma, da, and ba (as in ball...;) He's become quite the chow hound interested to see if he's pulled himself out of the bottom of the percentiles. Loves his bananas, blueberries and cheese. Yes cheese-guess he really is my kid;)

And the girls finally got their tea set. The tea set I was saving as a surprise but had to tell Marryn about a few weeks ago to avoid an all out meltdown when I wouldn't buy her one at the store... We use it for pretend hot chocolate;)




On a last side note. I've pretty much lost all 50+ pounds this last year. I say almost because the scale says so, but not all my clothes do...

fourth and friends

We had a great Fourth of July. Brian and Brandony came down and celebrated with us. It rained almost all day which was alright with me, less chance of our neighbors setting our house on fire with all their fireworks. We decided not to try to find any firework shows and just hang out, setting off our own little ones. It was great. The kids loved it.

And no, that isn't poop we're burning, those are the snakes fireworks. Or *worms* as Marryn called them. They were her and Dad's favorites;)

seven years lucky

June 29th, 2009. Our 7th wedding anniversary.

Courtesy of Jean, for the tickets and watching the munchkins, we attended the Mormon Tabernacle Choir concert at Red Rocks Amphitheatre.

Way cool.

And the best part, besides seeing my dear friend Mickie:), after some mediocre applause when announcing the governors for both Colorado and Wyoming, it was announced that The President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was within our mists. There seemed to be a quiet gasp/hush as whisperings spread through the crowd and then there he stood, our dear Prophet, giving out some cute air punches. Everyone was on their feet cheering. It was great.

The concert itself was wonderful. The place, incredible. It was a great night.

To my Mom

Thank you for teaching me, especially how to clean.

Thank you for being so stinkin' funny and fun to be with.

Thank you for supporting me, even when you don't agree with my choices.

Thank you for being a great mom to me, and those darn boys.

Thank you for the example of how to be a mom and a wife.

Thank you for loving me.

To my Pun-kins

Thank you for making me a mom.

Thank you for insisting I brush your teeth and read you stories.

Thank you for listening to me, most of the time.

Thank you for going shopping with me, even when you really just want to go back home.

Thank you for the snuggles and the kisses.
Thank you for loving me. And telling me so.

my new toy

Ah, dreams really do come true!

byu football vs byu ballet

So Marryn had a couple of fun outings lately.

Last weekend she and Dad went to the Air Force vs BYU game. She enjoyed her special time with dad, but within minutes of sitting down, asked for her markers and little notebook and proceed to draw the entire time. And as the game went on, she said to dad, "This is taking so freakin' long!" She did love the special "shows" the Air Force does; the parachuters jumping out of the plane and the fly over of the three LOUD jets all before the game and then the Falcon bird show at half time.

And then Thursday Marryn and I had a special little outing, the BYU Ballet came to town! She was in absolute heaven! From the minute she woke up that morning, she had her dress, tights, shoes and purse all picked out and ready to go. She LOVED it! After each act, she'd get the biggest smile and clap really "loud". And during the intermission, she practiced her ballet moves in the aisle. When the show started back up, she started dancing with them (with them, next to her seat...). Oh, how I wish I could have taken a picture, of Marryn and not the performers! (No pictures were allowed.) They even had a Sleeping Beauty Act, for Princess Aurora is her favorite. (I had never been to a ballet, and I really enjoyed it too. The Swan Lake Act was my favorite.)

Needless to say, in the event of Football vs Ballet, there is a clear winner. In fact, it isn't even close!

But as for me (Joey and I went to the Air Force vs CSU game the weekend before), there would not be a winner...more like a tie...;)

one week (and 27 years)

Yesterday we celebrated week one with our precious baby boy. It's still surreal, but yet, so normal. I can't imagine, after just one week, not having him here with us. Although, I have great fears that within the coming weeks and months, something will go wrong (to back up my fears, not that I want to, a baby was recently lost to ACD [Landen's disease] after being home and fine for 2 months...something uncommon, but obviously possible). Joey has reassured me that he's fine, but that worry just will not go away. Nevertheless, I thank Heavenly Father for this special child and pray that he is here to stay.

3 days old

Yesterday we also celebrated my 27th birthday. Wow. Not to offend any of you who might be a bit older, but I seem so old! I don't feel old. In fact, I still feel like I'm barely hitting the "legal age." And 27 doesn't sound old. I think it's just that these past years have gone by so fast. And then I look at my children and just want them to stay just as they are, but yet, I get so excited when they learn something new and well just grow. I want time to stand still but yet, keep going. Is that possible? Anyhow.

Christian's labor went really well. In fact, overall, I will say it was the best labor and delivery I have had. We went in around 5:30 am (which was a stretch for me, as many who know, I am not a morning person), but the excitement and fear was enough to get me up and going. The nurse put in the IV, which was so smooth (the more I seem to experience something, the more I seem to fear it...) and then they started the petocin. Almost immediately the contractions started, but not very strong. Within a few hours, Joey suggested I get the epidural, before things got too uncomfortable (uncomfortable even to get one). I put it off for a bit longer, I wasn't really in alot of pain yet, but finally decided he was right. He has been through 3 deliveries too... Now, for those of you who do the natural labor, I salute you. I KNOW how painful it is, having been through 2 labors in great agony, I don't like pain. As I was mentioning earlier, the IV kind of freaks me out... So I geared up for the epidural and again, it was so smooth. (The only reason this birth beats out Marryn's is the epidural, for Marryn they had to bring in another anesthesiologist to try putting it in.) After that, Joey and I both took a nap before waking up to feeling the contractions on one side in one spot. That same spot I first felt them with Reganne's.... Called the nurse in, who called the anesthesiologist in, who gave me a little shot of extra "stuff". Worked like a charm. So then Joey headed out to get himself some food. The nurse came in soon later, the babies heart rate had sped up or down, I don't remember, but most likely from the "extra stuff" I had gotten. She check me, I was dilated to a 7. So she propped me up on my side, put me on oxygen (to give the baby a boost) and then had me call Joey back up. He has a bit freaked out when he came in, but all was fine. It wasn't long later they were calling in the doctor and within about 5 minutes, 2 contractions, baby Christian was out, 11:50 am. (Now, to go back to that pain stuff. Yes, his delivery was still painful. I still felt the pressure and burning, but it only lasted that short bit. I can deal with that.) They handed him up to me and I just started crying. He wasn't crying. I was trying not to freak out. Everyone (by everyone, I mean the pediatric nurse practitioner and respiratory therapist that was brought in because of our situation) kept telling me he looked great, but I was really freaked out. Landen didn't cry much. The girls screamed. But within minutes, he was crying. Not a ton, but he was breathing and crying. And nobody seemed panicked but me. They just kept guessing if he was going to weigh more than his sister (9 lb Reganne). And no he didn't. And no, he didn't have much hair either (the ultrasound lied). So he was fine. And I was fine, I tore, of course, but nothing else.

Baby in the Belly

Baby out of the Belly

Batman Baby(?)

I got to eat lunch soon after. Actually I got to eat 2 lunches. They mixed up my tray and had to remake my order, but I got to keep the first one too. And then we just hung out until my epidural wore off. They then moved me to Women's Care and we enjoyed the rest of the evening with our new baby boy and a steak and lobster "Celebration Dinner" (on the hospital). Christian slept great, going down for the night at midnight and not getting up until 6ish. Nursed well. I was really, really sore, but opted to go home the next day anyhow.

We brought him home and the girls have just adored him since. Even Reganne. We were a little worried about her (was sure she'd try to steal his plug, seeing that she still has hers...). We knew Marryn would be great, and she has, putting his plug back in when it would pop out, covering him up in his blanket, wiping up his spit up... Reganne just likes to sit in his carseat and swing in the swing. Although she pipes up everytime he cries, "Baby crying" with a sad look on her face. She did want to hold him once. And didn't want to give him up. It was so funny. She was sitting upright in our recliner, but as she held him, kept laying herself down and was soon "reclined" with her head up on one arm and her legs on the other. Jean took a bunch of pictures (I wasn't about to leave her alone to get my camera) so hopefully I can get some and post them. He is a great little baby, sleeps, nurses and poops. What more could we ask for!

Christian with Big Sis Marryn

As for me. I'm doing great. I seem to heal very well and quickly. In fact my mom called one day asking what I was doing,

"Vacuuming."

"Should you be doing that?"

"Why not?"

"Well, you just had a baby a couple days ago."

"Oh, yeah..."

And yesterday (yes, on my birthday) I spent a good portion cleaning and vacuuming out our van, washing all the carseats and covers and resituating them to accommodate our newest member. (You would think that would be an awful way to spend a birthday, but when I got into the car later to go out to dinner, it made me so happy to see it all clean!) I've lost 25 lbs so far (of the stinkin' 50 I gained...urr) and will probably only drop another 5 within the next week or so, then it'll really slow down. I'd say I don't know why I gain so much (50, 40, 45 and now another 50) but then I realized, as I ate cookie dough out of the tub for breakfast, that I know exactly why I gain so much...

My surprise Cold Stone Cake (with cake batter ice cream, yum!)

The Best Birthday Present Ever!

Reganne dressed herself again (Dad's hat and socks, Reganne's bloomers)

happy birthday landen

Sunday, June 1st, we celebrated what would have been Landen's 5th birthday. Marryn helped me make some cupcakes and we all sang "Happy Birthday" and blew out 5 candles. The girls both got a small present as well, just as if Landen were here with us. This is the first year we haven't been able to put out flowers and balloons on his grave, since we recently moved, but the first year that we had a "party" for him. We've decided to make this our little tradition, especially as Marryn and Reganne, are getting older, understanding more who Landen is. This was not a sad day. Just a special day.


I know that we haven't talked alot or told many people about our first child. It's not that we don't like to bring it up or talk about Landen, it's more that we don't like to make other people uncomfortable. We have found great peace through the gospel of Jesus Christ in the short life of our son. We know that this was the plan of our great Heavenly Father.

Landen Joseph was born full term, 8 lb 4 oz, after a seemingly uncomplicated pregnancy. I say seemingly because at about 35 weeks, I thought that my water had broke. I went in for an exam, and was reassured that I was fine. About 6 weeks later when I went in labor, my midwife tried to break my water to speed things up, only to find no water sac. In fact, she could feel the baby's head, full of hair. He was later born with very little water, and a head full of curly blond hair. Delivery was rough. I opted for the epidural only to find the hour of pushing horrific. His shoulders got stuck, which only made the pain worse, but he finally came out. I wasn't able to hold him at first, but he was kept in the room with us while he was cleaned up and given oxygen. Then before they took him to the NICU, I was able to hold him briefly. Never at this moment did we or any of the nurses and doctors expect anything more than just a rough delivery.

Within hours, the oxygen hood he was under was failing to provide him with adequate oxygen and he was incubated. Within hours of that, it was clear that it wasn't working as well. Soon a call was put out to The Children's Hospital in Denver and by that night, he was on his way there. Joey and I left the next morning and met with a specialist there. It was determined that he had Pulmonary Hypertension and would need to be on ECMO, a lung and heart bypass machine. In addition, his lungs were very small, a byproduct of low amniotic fluid. Landen was on ECMO for about a week, before taken off. He did well for a couple days, then started to deteriorate again. By this time the doctors knew it was probably something else that was causing the Pulmonary Hypertension. First test, a lung biopsy determined what they feared. He had Alveolar Capillary Dysplasia, a very rare and fatal newborn disorder. The air sacs and capillaries in his lungs did not line up and therefore could not exchange oxygen. There was nothing we could do for him and within a few days, we took him off life support at just 20 days old.

Losing Landen had proven to be the most difficult thing we have had to go through. But the worst may not be over. The cause of his condition is not fully understood or known, but it is thought to be a genetic condition, in which every child we have has a 25% chance of having ACD. Although new findings are questioning that, but not necessarily in a positive way.

moving

We sold our house! And, we signed on a new home! Yeah! Everything is just really falling into place for us....

Joey had a business trip planned to Colorado Springs this week and, if our house was sold, me and the girls were going to go with him and look for a house. Well, our house went under contract, a couple weeks ago, but as we looked on our home list our Realtor, Jay, set up for us, all our homes we liked were selling or Jay wouldn't take us to because the house was trashed (why it would be in our price range). So we made a quick decision to go down last Friday. We were getting so depressed because only a couple homes were even livable. And they were small. Needed a little work; full backyard landscaping, fencing, flooring, etc. As we drove around, we stopped by a Richmond American Development (Homes starting in the $190s...yeah right). They had 2 homes available now. One, closer to our price range was cute. Small. Hardly a backyard at all, but finished. The other was beautiful. 4 beds upstairs, wood flooring, granite tile counter tops, all stainless appliances (including the fridge, which we'd need) and washer and dryer (which we also need...). Just perfect. Way, WAY too much. But we thought we'd try anyhow. Offered way below what the home was listed at, the most we could do. AND THEY ACCEPTED! We were shocked. I think it helped that we had no contingency on our current home, were being relocated and were able to move in soon. So, we signed the contract and everything just keeps falling into place for us. We are so grateful. We know that Heavenly Father has truly blessed us.

Here are some pictures (mostly just for my mom to see). They aren't great and the home still needs some finishing touch ups, but you'll still get the feel of the home.

Here's the layout. Only flipped. We have the optional extended family room, fireplace and patio. (Ignore the top optional figures.)